Ronald J. Smith, QC
ph: 250-878-4716
1444 Alta Vista Rd., Kelowna, B.C. V1Y 6L1

Resolving Your Family Law Dispute: What To Do Next

February 14th. 2014 Share on FacebookTweetEmail story
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Life is full of choices. If you and your spouse are still together, but your relationship is struggling, you can choose to stay together or separate. If you stay together, you can choose to seek help through marriage counselling or individual counseling.

If you can’t stay together, you and your spouse still have choices as to how you will resolve the issues arising out of the break-up of your family. The choices you make, particularly if you have children, will profoundly affect your future and your children’s future. 

If you choose to deal with your spouse with hostility, inflexibility and court proceedings, you will pay both an emotional and a financial price. Lawyers are very expensive and family law courts do not know you or your needs. Hostility never leads to reconciliation – it only leads to more hostility. Name calling and accusations stick (sometimes for years) and damage not only the combatants but also your children.

A good question to ask yourself when deciding how to resolve your family law issues is:  “Five or ten years from now, how do I want my children to view how my spouse and I resolved our issues?”  Do you want them to admire your ability to get through separation and divorce with class, or do you want them to look at this time with pain and regret?

Today, family law courts, the government and lawyers all recognize that family autonomy, cooperation and the best interests of children, often with the use of Voice of the Child reports, should be the core values of any family law dispute resolution system1.  But the family law courts and government can only do so much. You are responsible for how you deal with your breakup. You can get counseling help, hire collaborative family lawyers, and hire mediators, but you need to be willing to get past the hurt and the grief and really be willing to see the world through the eyes of your spouse and children.

Your issues will be resolved one way or another. It’s a little like having a baby. You can have the baby, but you can do so with more pain or less pain. You can resolve your outstanding issues with much pain and cost, or you can resolve them collaboratively and with less cost. Truthfully, you will probably get to about the same resolution either way. The choice of how you get there seems obvious, and the choice is yours.

To find out more about family law mediation options check out the mediation page on this website or contact Ron Smith QC at Just Family Solutions.

 

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1 Report of the B.C. Justice Review Task Force, A New Justice System for Families and Children, May, 2005

 
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